There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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