i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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