every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
