So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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