even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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