Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
