your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
