I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
