You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
