Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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