You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
