you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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