no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
