i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
