we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
