You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
