How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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