My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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