Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
