I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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