Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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