This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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