I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
