U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
