There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How does one acquire holy water?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
