Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
