Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
