I wish I could teleport
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
