glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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