so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
