Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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