so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
