I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
