Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
