The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
