What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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