your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
