Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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