i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
