I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
