smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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