i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
