The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
