This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
