You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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