My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
