was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
