at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
