thus making me awesome and them whores
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
