I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
