It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize