trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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