you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
