Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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