I didn't shave. On purpose
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
