Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
