It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
