one might say we're banned from that church
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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