this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
two words...techno handjob
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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