you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
