i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she was so not down for the gang bang
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
