I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
