Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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