Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
