It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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