well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
