did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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