this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
