took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
