508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
