I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
