I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
