don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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