omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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